Parenting from far-away!

I am single.

I am not a parent.
But being a teacher by profession I understand the problems of kids whose parents are not around. I also understand the agony of the parent who resides abroad /away mostly for professional reasons and for earning a decent livelihood for their family. This problem is very common in Philippines, my country.

So I thought of writing about this sensitive topic today.

As I mentioned earlier, this topic is very delicate, complicated and sensitive. Circumstances force people to stay away from their children and loved ones. 'Parenting from far-away' is one of the most challenging tasks in the life of a parent and in some rare cases-both parents.

Looking into the different aspects of this complicated task I observed how people cope up with this stressful event positively. These can be considered as some successful tips to tackle this problem.

1. Try to be "present" in the kid's daily life

When one of the parents is missing from the child's world it can have a negative impact in the process of personality development, confidence build up, self- esteem, etc. But now-a-days, in the hectic day-to-day life even parents residing with kid ('s') as family tend to forget to be in the kid ('s') world; they 'live' in their own world forgetting to get involved in the kid ('s') world. So try to be in the child's world as much as possible while communicating with them by whatever means possible. Listen to them at length. But most of the time it would be the parent talking...talking...discussing classes, grades etc etc. Give an ear to what the kids are saying. It doesn't mean that there shouldn't be any discussion about their academics but adequate time should be alloted to hear what is happening in their world also.

Patiently listen to them. Let them come out with all their anxieties, fears, apprehension, doubts.....Imagine how we felt when we were small kids.. Think with your feet in their shoes...
Who else will listen to them apart from you? Imagine how we feel if no one listens to us? We all need attention, love.

Always keep in mind that our kids are also very much stressed like us. The present day living is very much stressful even for kids.
We think, as adults, we are mature enough. But are we really? We all behave childishly when we become stressed, when we face problems.

Try to be a role model for the kid.

Kids will look at what you do and copy it. They won't listen to your words but they absorb non- verbal actions /doings of adults. You can fool masses by your vocabulary but not kids.

2. Regular Correspondence

This can be in the form of emails, chats, postal snailmail letters, telephonic conversations etc. Most of the children love to get letters by post. They feel important. You can send them pictures, cartoons cut from newspapers, drawings etc.

It is not a big deal now-a-days in the era of Broadband Internet to establish regular contact with loved ones using web cam, voice chat, Instant messaging and emails. Of course not forgetting mobile telephony and text messaging.

Children better do text-messaging if that is unavoidable than using the mobiles near their ears.

Write to them / tell them what you are doing everyday, the things happening in your life etc etc.

It's not a luxury to own a digital camera now-a-days.
Snap pics, send them. Children love to see beautiful photos.

3. Be punctual

Be punctual and orderly if you promise something. Be punctual and systematic in correspondence.
If you don't turn up for chat at your regular time they will feel great disappointment.

4. Give them company

Loneliness breeds insecurity.

The spouse at home can easily fill up their world making them miss you less. Always encourage kids to find out more and more friends.
Never allow them to become couch potatoes. Try to create an environment where they can interact with other family members especially grandparents. Contact other family members and grandparents regularly and motivate them also to spend more time with your kids. Encourage them also to correspond regularly with kid (s) if they are also far-away.

5. Gifts

Never forget their birthdays. Send them gifts. There is no need to shell out your hard-earned money for expensive gifts. What I believe is that every expatriate should live modestly and bring up children also like that. Kids also should be given some idea about financial matters early in life. Some lessons they also should learn to be financially stable and successful in life.

Teach them a lesson or to save for future needs.

Celebrate in whatever way you can, their birthdays and important occasions. If possible view the celebration online using web camera. Let them record it if you can't attend the celebrations live, well you can watch it later.

Send them e-cards. Preset the e-card early to be delivered at the correct date to avoid last minute confusions.

http://www.123greetings.com
is a beautiful site. Look for cute e-cards!

6. Support the carers

Support the person / persons who are looking after the kid (s) in whatever way possible. Don't find faults only with them. After all, we humans are not perfect, to err is human. The carer also
needs support, love and... understanding. It is not only money that they want... but love as well is needed.

7. Talk to teachers

This is very important. Teachers will surely notice what the carer / parent misses. They can give valuable advice to the parent(s). When you visit home for vacation you must meet the teacher(s) and talk to them at length, find out what more needs to be done. If possible must go to school. Even if the spouse is interacting with teacher(s) you also must meet the teachers. Find out time for such things also.

Every teacher must take notice of the shortcomings, if any, in the children whose parent(s) is / are abroad. They must make it a point to give little more attention to these children.

8. Talk and interact with their friends

This is fun. Children become immensely happy when parent(s) interact with their friends. Invite them also to home when you go for vacation. Give them also gifts or rather let your kid give them gifts.
Even when you are away, you can interact with your kid's friends.

9. Morally good up-bringing

Encourage them to attend prayers and mass. Try to show them what is right and what is wrong. Give them the opportunity to learn right things. Spend time for religious activities as well while you are on vacation.

The spouse / carer also can be counseled for creating a morally good environment for children. Interact more with people who are religious.

10. Watch them

Watch their activities online. Don't just believe that your kids will never do wrong things. The temptations to do bad are there everywhere in this world. Liberal media, violence everywhere I need not elaborate upon such things.......

It's not easy 'parenting from far-away'. The problem becomes more complicated if you are divorced /separated.

May God bless you and guide you !